Bless me father for I have sinned...it has been over a month since my last post. I know that's not much of a sin, but I'll say 3 Our Fathers and a couple of Hail Marys just the same...Roman Catholic humor.
My brain has been working overdrive the last several weeks. Emotional waterfalls, ideas hitting like a flash flood, but too much to handle all at once. Incoherent, unbridled, chaotic. More so than normal. I needed to take a step back. That's when it hit me...
I prefer the rain.
What I wouldn't give to sink into a hammock on the porch of a little shack on the beach and listen to the gentle tapping of a summer shower on a tin roof as the sun slowly withered on the threshold of the horizon. I could close my eyes and drift away as little waves fell and nestled along the sand.
The rain has been relaxing for me in other ways as well. I've stood out in the rain more than once. Standing beneath the downpour as my pain, anger, sadness, frustration washed the selfishness from my being into the puddles underneath my feet.
I prefer hard rain the best. Torrential. Oppressive. Accompanied by Thunder and Lightning ideally. The kind of weather that puts the fear of God back into your soul and lets you know just how small and insignificant all of your worries are in the greater scheme of things. Droplets slipping off your nose, your ears, running into your eyes, your hair heavy with the saturation of water as it drizzles down your face and the back of your neck. Soaking your clothes, the weight and discomfort becomes overwhelming. But you take it, you scream and shout until it's all gone.
Besides that, rain chases away the human clutter, the mouth breathers that find the sun so welcoming, oozing from their abodes like so many critters from an anthill to take over the surface. The rain...holds them inside, hiding away from the weather. Quiverring at the crashes and flashes of Mother Nature.
It's perfectly acceptable to not be ok in the rain. No need to give the socially acceptable, "fine," when deep down you know you're not. In the rain, without the human clutter to stop and ask, you can be however miserable you chose to be at that moment. You get to be alone...which is sometimes exactly where you need to be...alone.
I'll come in from the rain soon. A hot shower and some dry clothes will give me a fresh start...if only it were that simple. Nothing ever seems simple...when you're an Incomplete Writer.
